After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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