I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
