Just cropdusted the office
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
