I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
