I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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