it hurts more in the daytime
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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