A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I deserve this hangover.
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