And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
