Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
