we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
