Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
