I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
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He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
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She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.