I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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