Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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