I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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