thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
