I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
