the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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