So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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