He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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