I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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