Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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