It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
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we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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