Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
