the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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