we have pet lesbian snakes
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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