Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
