We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
