Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
