Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
