I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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