I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
