I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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