Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
