i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
