I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize