I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
