now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud đł
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled âfive times and I still havenât gotten offâ when he was still inside me ..
Said âdonât worry Iâll get myself off tomorrowâ to top it all off
Randomize
