We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
