Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize