Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
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I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
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He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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