once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
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I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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