I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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