i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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