she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
