FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
