It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There's always time for handjobs
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
