did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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