I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
