Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
