I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
