Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize