you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
