I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize