if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
