Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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