do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
