So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
