went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize