I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
