this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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