You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
