Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
