i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
