I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
