I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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