Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I didn't notice because vodka
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
