I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
