Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
