that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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